ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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