I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize