The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Randomize
