He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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