When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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