listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Randomize
