what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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