My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
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