I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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