I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I could fuck to npr.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Randomize
