I smell stomach acid.
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
