She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
