Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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