I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
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