Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
