I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Randomize
