She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
