I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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