my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
