I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
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