best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Randomize
