my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
