you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
