I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
