somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
My liver just had a heart attack.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
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