Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
