i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
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