I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
