Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
