I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
being pregnant is like rehab
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
