You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize