dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
