everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
