tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
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