smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Randomize
