I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Holy shit dude........stairs
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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