he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Randomize