I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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