Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize