We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I supernannyed him into submission
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
