i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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