Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
