Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Randomize
