If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize
