The answer is no. Its an illegal search n seizure!
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Randomize
