i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
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