Sober January is a disaster.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Randomize
