I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Randomize
