stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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