dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
don't judge my taste in strippers
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
