you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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