i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Randomize
