just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
