there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
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