ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Randomize