mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
