had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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