We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
what day is it and did you see me today?
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
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