How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
