i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
