I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
