you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I feel like a drive thru vagina
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Randomize
