Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
