i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize