Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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