I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
