Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
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