you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
