Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
