You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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