my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
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