did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
