Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Randomize
