Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
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