the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
