i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Randomize
