wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
