I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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