There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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