Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
