Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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