Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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