He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
