I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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