So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
