Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Randomize
