so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
There are leaves in my underwear?
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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