Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Randomize
