He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
