Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
