It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
How naked do you want me to be?
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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