Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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