I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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