based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Randomize
