WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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