You're so nebulous sometimes
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
