From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
