Slut skills are useful in every country.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Shame - the story of my life.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
