with your own penis?
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize