So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
