After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
