I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
