I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Randomize
