bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize